Something Feels Off—But What?

I’ve been struggling to write lately.

Heck, I’ve been struggling with the motivation to work on much of anything.

At first, I couldn’t put my finger on it. I mean, by all accounts, I AM living the dream:

• My kids are doing great.
• My wife is awesome.
• I work only a few hours a day on things that I have purposely chosen to work on.
• I am about as fit as I have ever been at 40.
• We’ve been taking amazing trips with our kids every year!

By all extents and purposes, I am making the most out of most facets of life.

On paper, everything checks out. Life is good!

And yet… something feels off.

Nothing catastrophic, just a nagging sense that I need to figure out what’s missing.

The Business That Bought My Freedom

As you know, to support my early retirement I bought an affiliate website in late 2021.

Well, we are now 3+ years into it and I realized that I am just so, so, so TIRED of the constant ups and downs of it.

And it’s not just the volatility of running a business—that part is expected.

It’s deeper than that.

I’m tired of working on something that doesn’t feel entirely like me.

It’s not that I dislike the topic of my affiliate site—I do enjoy it.

But if I’m being honest with myself, I know I wouldn’t be working on it if I didn’t own it.

And lately, just thinking about running this business makes me feel exhausted.

The lack of authenticity makes itself known through tension or anxierty, irratability or regret, depression or fatigue. When any of these distrubances surface, we can inquire of ourselves; Is there an inner guidance I am defying, resisting, ignoring, or avoiding?

The Myth of Normal – Gabor Mate, MD

I keep telling people I want to sell it. And yet, I haven’t pulled the trigger!

I keep using logic to talk myself out of it:

• Why sell something that provides great cash flow?
• Why give up a revenue stream that funds my early retirement and provides security?
• I can grow this business, it is not time to sell.

And let’s be real—buying this site made my early retirement possible.

Without it, I probably would have had to go back to working full-time for at least a few more years.

But still, I can’t shake the feeling: It’s time to listen to my authentic self and let it go.

Am I Working on the Wrong Thing?

“I feel for myself, I need something that is inspiring as THE most important thing.”

Tim Ferriss

I was listening to the Tim Ferriss Show recently and something he said to Greg McKeown put words to part of what I’ve been struggling with.

He talked about how he doesn’t like working on projects where the focus is more on managing or mitigating than on creating or mastering.

And it resonated with me completely.

My entirely early retirement has been about managing and mitigating risk.

It’s defensive.

And to be fair, that was the whole point of buying the site—it was a financial safeguard for my early retirement.

But here’s the thing: when you run a business purely as a fortification, it keeps you in a fear-based mindset.

• What IF revenue drops below a certain threshold?
• What IF I lose all my search traffic?
• What SHOULD I do to grow the business?

Every day becomes a cycle of checking numbers, tweaking, optimizing, and worrying.

And I’ve realized… I don’t want to live like that.

The opposite of running my affiliate website would be running this website.

There are no analytics to obsess over. No damage control.

Just me, a blank page, and the challenge of writing the best piece I can.

Pure creation.

And that’s not to say that there is no stress in creating – there absolutely is, but living in a fear-based risk-mitigation mindset 24/7 isn’t exactly a great retirement plan.

And that brings me back to Ferriss’ idea—like him, I want to work on something that inspires me.

I want to work on something that gives me energy — something I can continue to build, rather than constantly have to defend and protect.

What Am I Afraid Of?

I’ve been living the last few years with too much fear.

Fear of making an early retirement mistake.

Fear of not being able to grow—or flip—my affiliate site.

Fear of managing risks that I ultimately can’t control.

It’s not that we fear the unknown. You cannot fear something that you do not know. Nobody is afraid of the unknown. What you really fear is the loss of the known. That’s what you fear.

Awareness by Anthony De Mello

This quote hit me.

Because I’ve been living with a constant fear of losing what I have.

And it’s not the kind of fear that pushes you to be better.

It’s not the fear that comes from stepping into the unknown to build something new, or putting your work into the world and wondering if it will stick.

That kind of fear? It’s good. It challenges you. It forces you to grow.

That’s the fear I feel every time I hit publish on a blog post.

The other kind—the constant fear of risk and loss—is the kind that drains you. It doesn’t go away. It’s always there, lurking in the background.

And I’m done with that.

Turning Fear Into Action

I don’t know if any of this makes sense to you. Honestly, I’m still working through it myself.

But I do know this:

• I’m committing—to myself, my wife, and my family—to sell my affiliate site this year.
• I’m committing to finding a more authentic way to sustain my early retirement.
• I’m committing to stop managing and mitigating, so I can focus on creating again.
• And most of all, I’m committed to listening to my body’s inner guidance.

Whether that means writing more on AR, building something new, or heading in a direction I haven’t even considered yet…

One thing is certain—my early retirement needs a small reset!

More from Accidentally Retired

• Why So Serious?!?
• Time Flies
• The Art of Letting Things Slip Through The Cracks