Are doctors responsible for your health?
Are financial advisors responsible for your finances?
Is your boss responsible for your performance?
The answer to all of these questions is a resounding: NO.
You are the only person responsible for YOU.
There is no one else to blame
There are of course outside factors, but at the end of the day you live with your own thoughts, your own dreams, your own success or failure, and the one physical body that you have.
There is no one else to blame for anything going on in your life. No one.
Responsibility at its core is taking accountability or blame, no matter the situation.
While we may lean on others, and we will need help from time to time, at the end of the day we are all responsible for our own actions or inactions above all else.
You are your own leader
I recently started to read Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. The first leadership principle (and main point) in the book is that leaders need to exercise Extreme Ownership:
“On any team, in any organization, all responsibility for success and failure rests with the leader. The leader must own everything in his or her world. There is no one else to blame. The leader must acknowledge mistakes and admit failures, take ownership of them, and develop a plan to win.
– Jocko Willink and Leif Babin Extreme Ownership
Jocko and Leif took the leadership principles that they developed and honed as Navy SEALs and show how you can apply their principles on and off the battlefield.
Well, guess what? We are all leaders of our own life.
There is no one else responsible for us, but ourselves.
We are a team of one. We are all leaders!
And it cannot be a coincidence, that in another great leadership book The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership, that Commitment #1 is Radical Responsibility:
I commit to taking full responsibility for the circumstances of my life and for my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. I commit to supporting others to take full responsibility of their lives”
– Jim Detmer, Diana Chapman, Kaley Klemp, The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership
Whatever you want to call it be it Extreme Ownership or Radical Responsibility, to be a great leader, you have to own the outcome – no matter what!
And since we are all leaders of our own lives, there is no difference between leadership principles and living a good life.
Owning your life’s circumstances
Own your career success/failure.
Own your relationships.
Own your parenting.
Own your financial situation.
Own your emotional and physical health.
Once you take responsibility for yourself, and your actions, then you can begin to work on building the life that you really want.
This goes for me too!
The more that I take responsibility for the things that I am not doing right as a parent, as a husband, as a leader, or as an investor, the more I am able to begin to work on it, make adjustments, and move on.
This is exactly why I created a failure resume last year.
I wanted to own my failures to put them behind me and move on.
Most of all, I wanted to shed myself of the stress I was holding onto.
Stress and conflict are caused by resisting acceptance and ownership. If there is any part of ourselves that we’re not fully willing to accept, we will experience stress and friction in that area. The stress will disappear the moment we accept that part and claim ownership of it.
– Gay Hendricks, The Big Leap
Only you are responsible for YOU
We all need to stop playing the blame game.
There is absolutely no one to blame in this world for anything.
Not a parent.
Not a spouse.
Not a doctor.
Not even a financial advisor.
So if you want to take control of your career, your finances, your parenting, or your life – only you are responsible for YOU.
H/T to Coach Clint who’s amazing tweet inspired this post:
It’s been said a million times and a million different ways, and as true as ever here.
The one distinction I like to make with this line of thinking is to acknowledge that everyone starts with a different deck of cards and draws a different hand. Unfair circumstances still exist, and unfair things still happen.
The key (in my opinion) is to try hard to avoid a victim mindset, and in doing so accept and take ownership of even the sh*tty and uncontrollable things life sometimes brings. (That way of thinking is helpful to me, anyway).
Great post!
Yeah, I totally agree. The deck of cards I received was stacked with Aces, there is no doubt about that. And others are not so lucky. This was not so much meant for those who are dealt really bad hands in life. I know that I am lucky and there are many who have the opposite luck, and that is unfortunate. I only hope that I can do my small part to make the world a better place.