There is only today

I found out yesterday, that my college roommate and friend passed away over the weekend.

It is news that I am still processing, as this is the first time I’ve had something like this happen to someone in my peer group.

I suppose I should consider myself extremely lucky that most of my experiences with death have been grandparents who have died in their late 70s and 80s. I’m sure that is not the norm.

I don’t want or need you to feel sorry for me. My friend and I haven’t been in touch much for the last 15 years or so. We’ve traded a few emails & texts, and I saw him once a little over 5 years ago. But that is about the extent of our relationship post-college.

As expected, this really got me thinking a lot about life, and its invariable ups and downs.

But the recent news also has me feeling lucky for what I have.

I’m grateful to be alive.

I’m thankful for my family.

I’m blessed to be living with abundance and luxury that our ancestors could hardly comprehend.

My friend’s passing is a stark reminder, that we only have today.

Tomorrow never comes

Today is always here.

Tomorrow never comes.

When you say when you'll start,

Remember if it isn't today it is never.
— Coach Clint (@IAmCoachClint) December 14, 2021

When you think about it, Coach Clint’s tweet really hits home. Tomorrow Never Comes.

You only live in the now. Today.

By the time you wake up tomorrow, it is already today again.

“Tomorrow and plans for tomorrow can have no significance at all unless you are in full contact with the reality of the present…. even if one were to live for endless ages, to live for the future would be to miss the point everlastingly.”
— Alan Watts

Life is short

My friend passing is a hash reminder that life is short.

I know that I for one have been too full of worry lately.

Too obsessed with this or that.

Too focused on my own shit, and not enough on others.

We are not given a short life but we make it short; we are not ill-supplied with time but wasteful of it
— Seneca

I’ve spent too much time toiling with my own hobbies, my own interests, and certainly wasting hours away on my phone instead of really engaging with others.

I have more than enough time, but can’t escape the feeling that I am squandering it and letting my loved ones down by not focussing on them as much as I would like:

My wife.

My kids.

My parents.

My friends.

I’ve gotten so carried away by day-to-day life, that I haven’t given my all to others around me.

Stop hiding behind the busyness of life

I dive so deeply into my passion projects. I obsess about them, and I’ve willed them to success. It is my superpower. And it is my weakness.

This moment in time is a big reminder that I want to give more of myself to others. I want to bring more joy to my loved ones. I need to figure out how to truly be there for someone else besides myself.

I’ve lived a good life. But, if I am being honest with myself and you, I haven’t given it my all.

I’ve hidden behind hobbies.

I’ve hidden behind having more to do.

I’ve hidden behind the pursuit of success and money.

I’ve hidden my emotions in the doing.

I am done hiding.